Why Parents Bond With Their Kids Differently, and How to Deal With Favoritism at Home

One in every 10 parents admitted to having a favorite child, a survey says. It may still be considered a big taboo in the parenting handbook, but favoritism is a reality that many folks deal with. And according to specialists, parents who have a preferred kid don’t need to go on a guilt trip just yet. Because it is not all bad — if handled properly, that is.

Bright Side summarized important points from experts that explain why it’s okay to like your kids differently. We also prepared tips that could help you manage your children’s perceptions. Having more fondness for one kid is completely normal, and admitting it can help you become a better parent. It is completely possible to feel a stronger bond with just one child, especially if he or she has more similarities with you. As one therapist puts it, “Parents are humans,” and psychologically speaking, it’s normal to be drawn to people who affirm us. And the sooner you recognize your personal biases, the sooner you can be mindful of how you treat your youngsters. Keeping your preferences in check can improve your parenting relationship and help foster a healthier family environment. There are many valid reasons why you connect with your kids differently.

One of the reasons is because that child shares more of your personality and is mirroring your traits back at you. It could also be a seasonal fondness, depending on who behaves better. For example, one mom wrote, “Right now, my 8-year-old son is a little know-it-all... Frankly, it’s irritating. In contrast, my 5-year-old daughter is in a very cute, snuggly stage in life. She is melting my heart every day.”

Another factor that could affect your relationship with your kid is your own childhood experiences. Maybe he or she reminds you of someone that made you feel either positive or negative emotions. If it’s more on the bad side, professionals suggest treating your child as a separate individual, without the weight of your past experiences.

Parents may feel happier and healthier when they spend more time with the dearest offspring.

Knowing who the mother or father is closest to can have an impact on the quality of their care as they get older. One study found that elderly mothers recover faster from an emergency and experience better mental health if it’s their favorite child that tends to them.

Even if parents do not acknowledge it, children can feel if there’s favoritism in the family.